When All Hell Breaks Loose
by Wolfayne
Summary: All pirates worth their salt go to hell. Honestly, anything else would just be too boring for such adventure loving morons. But what would happen when they DO get bored. And decide to go wreak a little more havoc on the land of the living.


_Author notes: Hello everybody! So a little background on this. I read a oneshot recently about Marco and co. running into Sabo and Luffy on a random island two years after Marineford. No action or anything, but they did talk a little about Ace and someone, Izo I think, said something about how Ace was too good for anything but Heaven and the made the two little shits laugh and respond with how he'd be bored anywhere but Hell, so obviously that's where he'd go. Then I got to thinking about how Ace would probably be bored there, too, so…_

_Unfortunately I own nothing but my imagination. I don't even own a pack of gum._

_Updates will be sporadic and as inspiration strikes! Rated T just to be safe and because pirates don't censor themselves._

**Chapter One: Bored As All Hell**

Okay, so hear me out.

I'm a dead guy. A pirate, to be precise.

And any pirate worth their salt does not go to Heaven when they die. Honestly, how boring would that be; neverending peace, all light and glory and all that crap. I can just imagine it, angelic choirs in the background, sunlight and fluffy clouds as far as the eye can see, the incessant kindness and good manners. I mean, I like to think of myself as a fairly well-mannered guy, but it would be absolutely _exhausting._

Anywho. Pirates, at least the ones that actually matter, go to Hell. By choice. Cuz we like it that way. And you know what? Hell is a _blast._

It's all chaos and mayhem and unending pranks and jokes bad enough that they make us want to punch somebody. I know that technically we are supposed to be tortured and whatnot for all eternity, but avoiding the guys that are supposed to do that is a bit like avoiding the marines to be honest. A lot of very low level marines.

Emphasis on the low level.

There are no lieutenants, captains, vice admirals, or admirals. It's like we are being permanently chased by the damn recruits, before they go through any training. Which makes existing after death kinda boring after the initial thrill has worn off. I mean, it was great to meet up with my fallen family, both the adopted kind and the blood kind. Yes, I definitely punched my biological father in the face (he totally deserved it, though, he got me executed). I met a whole bunch of incredible past rule-breakers, like Bartholemew Puma. But now that I've met them, for the most part I just sit around all day.

In any case, now that I've been here for a while, I have gotten incredibly, horrifically, direly bored.

And I'm not the only one.

I know for a fact that Thatch is getting bored; there's no blonde pineapple to tease. And Pops misses the nurses' nagging as much as he misses the rest of his still living children. Roger has his moments, but he was ready to die when it happened, and he already got Mom back and ran into me, so it's not as bad for him. Fisher Tiger pretends not to care much, but I know he worries about his people. Corazon and Oden both fret over their kids.

Me? I miss the bandits and villagers back in East Blue, my friends from the Spades, my family in the crew, the nutcase that calls himself my Gramps, and most of all? I miss my brothers. I miss Luffy's shenanigans and stupid grin. And I miss Sabo's smart ass comments and fond exasperation. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I got here and he wasn't there to greet me. After I get done punching his face through the floor, he's getting a massive hug that won't end for at least a year. Maybe decade.

There's not much to do about that right now, but a little while ago, I had me this idea. This incredible idea that has "D" written all over it and would rock the world and make everything infinitely more interesting and entertaining and we wouldn't need to worry about boredom for a very long time.

I think I know just what to do about all this. Now I just need to talk everyone else into it.


End file.
